A Facebook post

A revealing post from a year ago…

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I should be where others are not.

I should be where others are not.

Perhaps it’s just my new chronic self. Perhaps the constant pain ebbing away my joy has turned me snippy, irritable. I’m just not pleasant anymore. I am irrelevant. I am a burden. I serve no purpose in this life.

I don’t say this for sympathy or reassurance. I say it as a matter-of-fact. 

I should be alone. Free the people I love from me.

More symptoms…

The weather is stormy and killing my head. Kids are off school. Music lessons. Now at the dermatologist for daughter’s appointment.

Must keep moving despite migraine. Must. Keep. Moving. 

Smile.

Not to be believed.

Saturday.

Families and people are out living. Going to events, enjoying the weather, living life.

And I’m here. Ball and chain of Pain around my head. Tethered to my home and bed. A burden on my family.

I get up and putter around the house after resting: cleaning out a closet, changing a washload, putting things away that have been lying out for weeks. Every action feels like a marathon. (And there are people running marathons today!).

Tomorrow is a big day. We’ll have people over…Ken’s collegiate Overwatch tourney. I’ll need to be better for that. And I’ll need my house clean for it too.