Always an ow.

Freaking ridic.
09:15, Wed: my head a 4+ climbing. My SI a 6 and needing heat. I also have a pulled muscle in the mid back. Mornings are hard.

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Migraine, Twenty-one Pilots… He gets it

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat
Shadows will scream that I’m alone

I’ve got a migraine
And my pain will range from up, down, and sideways
Thank God it’s Friday cause Fridays will always be better than Sundays
‘Cause Sundays are my suicide days

I don’t know why they always seem so dismal
Thunderstorms, clouds, snow and a slight drizzle
Whether it’s the weather or the ledges by my bed
Sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head
Let it be said what the headache represents
It’s me defending in suspense
It’s me suspended in a defenseless test
Being tested by a ruthless examiner
That’s represented best by my depressing thoughts
I do not have writer’s block my writer just hates the clock
It will not let me sleep I guess I’ll sleep when I’m dead
And sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat
Shadows will scream that I’m alone
But I know, we’ve made it this far, kid

I am not as fine as I seem
Pardon, me for yelling and telling you green gardens
Are not what’s growing in my psyche, it’s a different me
A difficult beast feasting on burnt down trees
Freeze frame, please let me paint a mental picture portrait
Something you won’t forget, it’s all about my forehead
And how it is a door that hold’s back contents
That makes Pandora’s box contents look non-violent
Behind my eyelids are islands of violence
My mind ship-wrecked this is the only land my mind could find
I did not know it was such a violent island
Full of tidal waves, suicidal crazed lions
They’re trying to eat me, blood running down their chin
And I know that I can fight, or I can let the lion win
I begin to assemble what weapons I can find
‘Cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat
Shadows will scream that I’m alone
But I know, we’ve made it this far, kid

And I will say that we should take a day to break away
From all the pain our brain has made, the game is not played alone
And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it
And keep it frozen and know that life has a hopeful undertone

And I will say that we should take a day to break away
From all the pain our brain has made, the game is not played alone
And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it
And keep it frozen and know that life has a hopeful undertone

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat
Shadows will scream that I’m alone
But I know, we’ve made it this far, kid

Made it this far
Made it this far

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Oh storms…

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…and mother demands to know how she can help me…she’d do anything for me…she feels so helpless…worrying about me night and day, praying and more praying…my illness keeps her up at night.
I sometimes wonder if I could be anymore of a #Loser
This #ChronicThugLife…I did not plan for… I was supposed to be a full time mama, great wife, part time nurse, volunteer with community theater, part time writer, active and happy. There was a turn somewhere I took wrong…”should have made that left turn at Albuquerque.”

A question…

While giving him a haircut tinight, my oldest son (17) asked me tonight: “What is the hardest thing about having children?”
I didn’t hesitate: “Seeing them in pain and being powerless to help.”

Sometimes I feel like I can almost touch them… *tears, more tears, weeping*

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